


Drowning

by EthyrinKairos



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21514336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EthyrinKairos/pseuds/EthyrinKairos
Summary: Valkyrie's state of mind in Sakaar





	Drowning

In rare moments that occasionally punctures the haze of apathy, she drowns in a sea of rage, self-hate and shame. She had been capable, she had been proud. Once, she was the best of the best, pushing herself to the limits, surrounded by comrades, every moment precious. She glanced down at her rough leathers, the bottle in her hand and feels the control disks in a pack, and a wave of disgust swept through her. Sometimes, she acted on it, letting away a prey, an act of kindness. More frequently, she took drained the bottle, and waited for the haze to fill her mind again. 

When a Prince barged into her life, when he saw her tattoo, the wave of disgust once again swept through her, sharper than it has been for centuries. Anger rose in response – get rid of this reminder – and she did. She returned to the haze, and life continued.

Yet it was not exactly the same – his presence, his very existence prodding at her, the haze becoming thinner, guilt more constant. This time, when disgust spiked through her, the mix of resurfaced memory was enough to spur her on. Adrenaline and the fresh memories drew her back through time, and remembered honor was enough for her to care again, to act and free the Prince.

Remembered honor, duty and vengeance lasted till the final battle on her home. As the last remnants of what was once her home faded from sight, the haze of apathy once again rose. Yet no one know. They don’t know how little she cares. They don’t know her broken oaths. They see her as she was eons ago, as their hope, as a hero. They want her to see to their needs, they seek her as a source of comfort. And though she is still numb, still couldn’t care, she acts to meet those needs. Long forgotten routine had her survey the survivors. Automatically she made sure that everyone has a bunk to sleep in. She does the arithmetic, and made sure that rations will last so no one starves. While her honor is still in tatters, while her mind still struggles against the fog, her guilt and disgust lessen.


End file.
